This week in my reading of Becoming His, I am reminded of a hymn, More Holiness Give Me. The lyrics are as follows.
1. More holiness give me,
More strivings within,
More patience in suff'ring,
More sorrow for sin,
More faith in my Savior,
More sense of his care,
More joy in his service,
More purpose in prayer.
2. More gratitude give me,
More trust in the Lord,
More pride in his glory,
More hope in his word,
More tears for his sorrows,
More pain at his grief,
More meekness in trial,
More praise for relief.
3. More purity give me,
More strength to o'ercome,
More freedom from earth-stains,
More longing for home.
More fit for the kingdom,
More used would I be,
More blessed and holy--
More, Savior, like thee.
When pondering over these virtues, I have to ask myself what I am I missing? What is it that I long for? I can tell you at this moment what stands out the most for me is, "is more hope in His word." Again that goes back to faith. This week I pray for more hope in His word that I listen to and not ignore promptings but take action.
Going back to sitting with the Lord at the mount and giving all control to God. I am reminded of a message our prophet, Thomas S. Monson spoke of during this last Sunday afternoon talk.
"We live at a time in the world’s history when there are many difficult challenges but also great opportunities and reasons for rejoicing. There are, of course, those times when we experience disappointments, heartaches, and even tragedies in our lives. However, if we will put our trust in the Lord, He will help us through our difficulties, whatever they may be. The Psalmist provided this assurance: “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.”
How perfect could this be, I felt like he was talking to me. Its better to weep in the night to have joy in the morning.
Another quote, A warrior doesn't run from pain... A warrior gets things done.
I find myself running from pain. Why do I run? How many layers are there to grieving? My Dad is with me, I feel all the time. He even talks to me. So why the grieving then? Why the running?
I had an opportunity to visit the Sacramento LDS Temple this past week. For those of you who don't know my goal is to visit as many as I can while on this earth. You check out my blog My Year of 36 to read more about it.
I felt inspired to read the ensign the other day and one particular message stuck with me by Matthew Flitton. that I wanted to share to help remind myself at all times that sometimes:
You Have to Give Up Something Good
for Something Better
Again, something that I am battling with. Its so hard to give up something good when good seems to be better then what I thought was great.
Faith, why must I be lacking so much faith? Why can I not be like Nephi or Job. God says do and they jump.
God says Cassandra do and I say what about this....how can I justify it so I don't have to do it. Gosh!
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Here is the story of how Zoltan chose to give something that was great up for something that was even better.
One day Zoltán Szücs of Szeged, Hungary, surprised his kayaking coach by telling him that he wouldn’t be going to Germany for a competition.
“It was on the same day as my baptism, so I said no,” Zoltán said.
At age 17, Zoltán had won many competitions in kayaking. It’s a popular sport in Hungary, and Zoltán was good—good enough that becoming a professional was a real possibility. Beyond deciding to miss just one competition, Zoltán would soon give up kayaking entirely. He had something better to do.
Kayaking had been good for Zoltán. Over the years working with his coach, he had learned self-control, obedience, and hard work. Zoltán had also learned to avoid substances and habits that would hurt his performance. It wasn’t an easy life; it was lonely, and going pro would take up more time. Pros practice 12 hours a day and have to compete on Sunday.
“Kayaking took most of my time,” Zoltán says. “I was fanatical. Because of that, I left a lot of things out of my life.”
That’s why Zoltán decided that he couldn’t devote himself to both the gospel and kayaking. In 2004 he told his coach he wasn’t going to kayak anymore.
Earlier that year the missionaries started teaching Zoltán’s mom. He didn’t take part in the lessons. He grudgingly accepted his mom’s invitation to her baptism. But his heart was touched by what he felt once he entered the church building. Szücs agreed to meet with the missionaries, partly because he could identify with them.
“Missionaries were interesting to me because they were normal people but lived a higher standard,” he says.
Because of the higher standard that Zoltán was already living as a kayaker, he readily accepted the teachings of the gospel as valuable. He was baptized two months later.
At first he thought he could continue kayaking but not do competitions on Sundays. But because he’s the type of person who, once committed to an activity or course, wants to do well at it, he chose to give up kayaking entirely.
He tried once to kayak as a hobby after his baptism. When he did, his coach asked him to help teach others and organize trips since he wouldn’t compete. But he didn’t want to make commitments to kayaking—or any other activity—that could get in the way of his discipleship.
So Zoltán hung up his paddle and dedicated himself to Church service in a decision reminiscent of one President Howard W. Hunter (1907–95) made when he got married. President Hunter was an accomplished musician who played dozens of instruments. In the evenings he had been playing in an orchestra, but the lifestyles of those he associated with conflicted with gospel standards. So President Hunter put his instruments away and brought them out only occasionally for family sing-alongs.
Zoltán misses kayaking, but he realized that his love for kayaking was strong enough to compete with, and possibly overcome, his love for the Lord if he stayed too close to the sport.
The same principle can apply to any activity that takes us away from who God wants us to be. For each of us it may be better to go through life without certain things—even if they are good things—rather than risk our eternal life to have them.
“The Church became my life,” Zoltán says. “Knowing that kayaking couldn’t be a living if I wanted to be active and that it would be just a hobby, it became easy to give up. Instead, I wanted to make Heavenly Father my focus.”
Zoltán began to study the gospel with the same intensity he brings to any pursuit. He set a goal to serve a mission. He wanted to stay in his country and teach others.
He served in Hungary and now works as a high school English teacher. He continues to set his priorities on the gospel. “There are things we need to give up because they get in the way of God,” he says. “It’s easy to give up the bad once we know we should. Often we don’t realize when we should give up something good for something better. We think that because it’s not bad, we can hold onto it and still follow God’s plan.” But Zoltán knows that we must give up the good if it keeps us from following God’s plan for us.
I pray that in time, sooner then later I can become more like Nephi and Go and Do! If I could just follow this simple primary song we sang, "How Can I Be".
Its been a bit since I have sat down and shared my thoughts on this next phase in the first chapter, "He is set...Come to Him." Honestly, it has taken a while to be able to accomplish this particular concept of s"sitting with Christ." You would think that it wouldn't be so hard that's why I bought the book in the first place. Isn't it easy to come to Him?
The book suggests that you make time where you can sit and ponder and be with the Lord. The author suggests closing your eyes and seeing yourself walk up the mountain and sit as the apostles did and just listen to his words but only as the sermon states for those who are willing to ascend to it.
Matthew 5:1 -And seeing the multitudes, he went up into a mountain: and when he was set, his disciples came unto him:
This is my point, those willing to ascend to it. Again, you would think this is easy because the whole point of my journey is to be a disciple of Christ. So if you can not follow, then how can you be a disciple?
My journey over the last three months took me to an opportunity to grow both personally in character and spirituality I had no problem sitting with the Lord at the mountain for several weeks. I felt like this step was to easy but kept thinking what I am doing wrong. I even felt I should not move on yet because I was not getting something. So as time went on, I had a trial come into my life that I thought in the beginning was a great gift and honestly it was (I learned a lot new things I wanted in life, behaviors I wanted to have in my life that I want to apply in my future and it also helped me look forward and not back, just as the bengal tiger, Richard Parker in Life if Pi. Which is something I have been battling with the last nine years.
People come in our life for a purpose but sometimes there only there for a moment and then you must move on and apply what you have learned. This was the lesson I had to learn. For the past few months I was able to start a wonderful friendship that led me to gain a better understanding of what I wanted and what is actually out in the world so that I would never settle. But thing about it is, it was only 1/2 what I needed there was still the other 50% that was missing but I didn't realize this. I actually found what I was looking for on the non-spiritual side yay for me getting closer. Was he spiritual yes, were we equally yoked...no. This was the hard step, having to be obedient even though I didn't understand why I must say good bye when I haven't laughed so much in my life literally (laughing so hard you cried almost every night). Satan is good that is all I can say, rose colored glasses. It is so hard to pray about someone when you have all these other feelings play through out your head 24 hours a day. Luckily, I listened enough to get my family involved even though it put a strain on our relationship for a moment. I am so blessed to have my sister who had many sleepless nights helping me through this process. I am so grateful that God has given us our families to help us through these trials of ours and for the ability that our families can get inspiration for us too because without them I just might not have chosen the bestest path for me or my posterity.
Going back to the book, we are asked to become a disciple and become His. We must let GO, so we can welcome the task that takes us beyond ourself. By accepting this process of letting go of who we are and becoming who the Lord knows we can be, we are becoming something more than we could have even imagined.
Which brings me to one of my favorite musicals, Godspell. I had the opportunity to be a stage manager for this musical back when I was in high-school. It has a wonderful story line along with great music.
I thought this song was most appropriate because we are so lucky to have our Lords' help throughout our life and how lucky are we to have someone on our side who is pushing us to be better then we could even imagine.
Welcome, Hello, and Thank You for taking a few moments to read my thoughts and insights on my reflections for this year. If you have time to spare, I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences. A little about me: I currently live in Texas and love the time I have to spend with my family. Being able to blog has helped me to be able to stop, and write about the simple things of life that I enjoy. You can catch my 2012 reflections on my blog, my year of 36, if you like. As, I reflect over the past year I have come to realize that time has gone fast (maybe even to fast), and life has changed. “Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it.” With this in mind, this year I am looking for the simplicity in happiness, love and peace. This is my journey to embrace it.
