This week in my reading of Becoming His, I am reminded of a hymn, More Holiness Give Me. The lyrics are as follows.
1. More holiness give me,
More strivings within,
More patience in suff'ring,
More sorrow for sin,
More faith in my Savior,
More sense of his care,
More joy in his service,
More purpose in prayer.
2. More gratitude give me,
More trust in the Lord,
More pride in his glory,
More hope in his word,
More tears for his sorrows,
More pain at his grief,
More meekness in trial,
More praise for relief.
3. More purity give me,
More strength to o'ercome,
More freedom from earth-stains,
More longing for home.
More fit for the kingdom,
More used would I be,
More blessed and holy--
More, Savior, like thee.
When pondering over these virtues, I have to ask myself what I am I missing? What is it that I long for? I can tell you at this moment what stands out the most for me is, "is more hope in His word." Again that goes back to faith. This week I pray for more hope in His word that I listen to and not ignore promptings but take action.
Going back to sitting with the Lord at the mount and giving all control to God. I am reminded of a message our prophet, Thomas S. Monson spoke of during this last Sunday afternoon talk.
"We live at a time in the world’s history when there are many difficult challenges but also great opportunities and reasons for rejoicing. There are, of course, those times when we experience disappointments, heartaches, and even tragedies in our lives. However, if we will put our trust in the Lord, He will help us through our difficulties, whatever they may be. The Psalmist provided this assurance: “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.”
How perfect could this be, I felt like he was talking to me. Its better to weep in the night to have joy in the morning.
Another quote, A warrior doesn't run from pain... A warrior gets things done.
I find myself running from pain. Why do I run? How many layers are there to grieving? My Dad is with me, I feel all the time. He even talks to me. So why the grieving then? Why the running?
I had an opportunity to visit the Sacramento LDS Temple this past week. For those of you who don't know my goal is to visit as many as I can while on this earth. You check out my blog My Year of 36 to read more about it.
I felt inspired to read the ensign the other day and one particular message stuck with me by Matthew Flitton. that I wanted to share to help remind myself at all times that sometimes:
You Have to Give Up Something Good
for Something Better
Again, something that I am battling with. Its so hard to give up something good when good seems to be better then what I thought was great.
Faith, why must I be lacking so much faith? Why can I not be like Nephi or Job. God says do and they jump.
God says Cassandra do and I say what about this....how can I justify it so I don't have to do it. Gosh!
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Here is the story of how Zoltan chose to give something that was great up for something that was even better.
One day Zoltán Szücs of Szeged, Hungary, surprised his kayaking coach by telling him that he wouldn’t be going to Germany for a competition.
“It was on the same day as my baptism, so I said no,” Zoltán said.
At age 17, Zoltán had won many competitions in kayaking. It’s a popular sport in Hungary, and Zoltán was good—good enough that becoming a professional was a real possibility. Beyond deciding to miss just one competition, Zoltán would soon give up kayaking entirely. He had something better to do.
Kayaking had been good for Zoltán. Over the years working with his coach, he had learned self-control, obedience, and hard work. Zoltán had also learned to avoid substances and habits that would hurt his performance. It wasn’t an easy life; it was lonely, and going pro would take up more time. Pros practice 12 hours a day and have to compete on Sunday.
“Kayaking took most of my time,” Zoltán says. “I was fanatical. Because of that, I left a lot of things out of my life.”
That’s why Zoltán decided that he couldn’t devote himself to both the gospel and kayaking. In 2004 he told his coach he wasn’t going to kayak anymore.
Earlier that year the missionaries started teaching Zoltán’s mom. He didn’t take part in the lessons. He grudgingly accepted his mom’s invitation to her baptism. But his heart was touched by what he felt once he entered the church building. Szücs agreed to meet with the missionaries, partly because he could identify with them.
“Missionaries were interesting to me because they were normal people but lived a higher standard,” he says.
Because of the higher standard that Zoltán was already living as a kayaker, he readily accepted the teachings of the gospel as valuable. He was baptized two months later.
At first he thought he could continue kayaking but not do competitions on Sundays. But because he’s the type of person who, once committed to an activity or course, wants to do well at it, he chose to give up kayaking entirely.
He tried once to kayak as a hobby after his baptism. When he did, his coach asked him to help teach others and organize trips since he wouldn’t compete. But he didn’t want to make commitments to kayaking—or any other activity—that could get in the way of his discipleship.
So Zoltán hung up his paddle and dedicated himself to Church service in a decision reminiscent of one President Howard W. Hunter (1907–95) made when he got married. President Hunter was an accomplished musician who played dozens of instruments. In the evenings he had been playing in an orchestra, but the lifestyles of those he associated with conflicted with gospel standards. So President Hunter put his instruments away and brought them out only occasionally for family sing-alongs.
Zoltán misses kayaking, but he realized that his love for kayaking was strong enough to compete with, and possibly overcome, his love for the Lord if he stayed too close to the sport.
The same principle can apply to any activity that takes us away from who God wants us to be. For each of us it may be better to go through life without certain things—even if they are good things—rather than risk our eternal life to have them.
“The Church became my life,” Zoltán says. “Knowing that kayaking couldn’t be a living if I wanted to be active and that it would be just a hobby, it became easy to give up. Instead, I wanted to make Heavenly Father my focus.”
Zoltán began to study the gospel with the same intensity he brings to any pursuit. He set a goal to serve a mission. He wanted to stay in his country and teach others.
He served in Hungary and now works as a high school English teacher. He continues to set his priorities on the gospel. “There are things we need to give up because they get in the way of God,” he says. “It’s easy to give up the bad once we know we should. Often we don’t realize when we should give up something good for something better. We think that because it’s not bad, we can hold onto it and still follow God’s plan.” But Zoltán knows that we must give up the good if it keeps us from following God’s plan for us.
I pray that in time, sooner then later I can become more like Nephi and Go and Do! If I could just follow this simple primary song we sang, "How Can I Be".
Its been a bit since I have sat down and shared my thoughts on this next phase in the first chapter, "He is set...Come to Him." Honestly, it has taken a while to be able to accomplish this particular concept of s"sitting with Christ." You would think that it wouldn't be so hard that's why I bought the book in the first place. Isn't it easy to come to Him?
The book suggests that you make time where you can sit and ponder and be with the Lord. The author suggests closing your eyes and seeing yourself walk up the mountain and sit as the apostles did and just listen to his words but only as the sermon states for those who are willing to ascend to it.
Matthew 5:1 -And seeing the multitudes, he went up into a mountain: and when he was set, his disciples came unto him:
This is my point, those willing to ascend to it. Again, you would think this is easy because the whole point of my journey is to be a disciple of Christ. So if you can not follow, then how can you be a disciple?
My journey over the last three months took me to an opportunity to grow both personally in character and spirituality I had no problem sitting with the Lord at the mountain for several weeks. I felt like this step was to easy but kept thinking what I am doing wrong. I even felt I should not move on yet because I was not getting something. So as time went on, I had a trial come into my life that I thought in the beginning was a great gift and honestly it was (I learned a lot new things I wanted in life, behaviors I wanted to have in my life that I want to apply in my future and it also helped me look forward and not back, just as the bengal tiger, Richard Parker in Life if Pi. Which is something I have been battling with the last nine years.
People come in our life for a purpose but sometimes there only there for a moment and then you must move on and apply what you have learned. This was the lesson I had to learn. For the past few months I was able to start a wonderful friendship that led me to gain a better understanding of what I wanted and what is actually out in the world so that I would never settle. But thing about it is, it was only 1/2 what I needed there was still the other 50% that was missing but I didn't realize this. I actually found what I was looking for on the non-spiritual side yay for me getting closer. Was he spiritual yes, were we equally yoked...no. This was the hard step, having to be obedient even though I didn't understand why I must say good bye when I haven't laughed so much in my life literally (laughing so hard you cried almost every night). Satan is good that is all I can say, rose colored glasses. It is so hard to pray about someone when you have all these other feelings play through out your head 24 hours a day. Luckily, I listened enough to get my family involved even though it put a strain on our relationship for a moment. I am so blessed to have my sister who had many sleepless nights helping me through this process. I am so grateful that God has given us our families to help us through these trials of ours and for the ability that our families can get inspiration for us too because without them I just might not have chosen the bestest path for me or my posterity.
Going back to the book, we are asked to become a disciple and become His. We must let GO, so we can welcome the task that takes us beyond ourself. By accepting this process of letting go of who we are and becoming who the Lord knows we can be, we are becoming something more than we could have even imagined.
Which brings me to one of my favorite musicals, Godspell. I had the opportunity to be a stage manager for this musical back when I was in high-school. It has a wonderful story line along with great music.
I thought this song was most appropriate because we are so lucky to have our Lords' help throughout our life and how lucky are we to have someone on our side who is pushing us to be better then we could even imagine.
As, I sat and pondered over the last few weeks, I immediately thought about how much beauty I had been able to capture not only in the sense of physical beauty aspects but the spiritual as well. So that I would not forget , I wanted to share them. Because gratitude to me is away of become more like Christ.
Siting in a hot tub over looking the rocky moments sticking out my tongue and eating fresh falling snow with my niece
Hot Tub
Out Door Pool
Indoor Pool with Fireplace
2. Staying at a gorgeous chateau over looking snow caped mountains
3. Dog sledding with gorgeous feisty dogs who have the strength to carry my sister, niece and I.
Did I mention dog sledding, what an awesome experience
4. Fresh fallen snow that sparkles in the snow
5. Hugs and kisses from my niece at the airport
6. Making the 50 lb limit with both suitcases
7. New clothes to wear on the trip
8. Snow gear that kept me warm and toasty as I played for hours in the snow
9. Sweet orange chicken at a wonderful Mongolian grill
10. Finding the best place for breakfast four days in a row, yummy gluten free pancakes
11. Snow tubbing and spinning so fast it took a minute before my head to stop spinning after the my turn was up
12. Tubing with my sister and niece
13. Witnessing and taking pictures of a beautiful sunset on top of a mountain
14. Warming up to a hot fire after tubing
15. Riding the ganzola and looking out to see how high we were climbing or overlooking the village at night 16. with all the citiy lights lit up (reminds of the a real christmas village)
17. Eating at our hotel restaurant next to a fireplace
18. Staying in a lodge room with our own fireplace
19. Heated towl racks after running through the snow with a wet bathing suit on
20. Running in the snow barefoot to get to the hot tub and pool
21. Talking to a man that intrigues me
I took a month off from having a crazy year. Wow, can I say it was so hard when I first tried it. I honestly was scared to have a quiet moment because I did not want to face the sadness I felt inside with loosing my Father. For some reason my mind and heart would not mach up. It was so much easier to stay busy from dusk to dusk again. Starting this book has helped me already by forcing to me have quiet time. The mediation, smiling from my liver...well makes me smile. Smiling brings endorphins .. .endorphins bring happy feelings. I can say I am now quiet in my soul...and I am ok. It did not come easily but with much prayer, fasting and temple attendance. I can say I am so gratitude to my heavenly family for bringing peace to my soul and a smile on my face. It is time to get busy with life!!!
Believing we can become more through Him...this is the key to becoming like Him.
We read in Mosiah 18 how the people came to know Christ and were baptized. The Waters of Mormon became so much more then just a place or location for baptism, but a place of heaven like qualities and opportunities. A place where deep motion and insight were felt, a place where one became their higher self. A place where one could know Christ A time where one allowed Christ to make them more then what they could do on their own.
So the question to me is what were my Waters of Mormon? And what are yours?
My first thought...white butterflies....
I felt they were sent from Heaven
Butterflies in general are a symbol of transformation and change as well as joy and happiness. Sometimes I have a hard time understanding the symbolism being used in the parables but when I do get. I love how words don't explain the meaning of symbols to me, they are all encompassing: words, feelings, thoughts.
There was a time, I had had not felt worthy and was really hard on myself. I remember as I was pondering and walking the Dallas, temple grounds, I felt prompted to look down. There were these two angelic white butterflies. They fluttered from flower to flower, they were almost if I could hear singing, a happy tune. For that moment, I knew I was not alone. I knew without a doubt, I was worthy, loved and capable of much. There couldn't be a more perfect symbol of transformation. Through Christ, I was worthy to be in God's house, to walk where God walks.
Another time, I remember I was in my room and I fell to my knees and began to pray fervently, pleading, crying unto the Lord to help protect my family. To later hear angels were surrounding me then, I was not alone.
The beautiful water fountain on the side of the Houston temple. Many beautiful summer nights, I sat pondering life and partaking in the spirit that dwelt there. One night I even got an unexpected answer with a serpent. God knows all, that is all I can say.
Walks on the beach. I think those moments are some of the closest times I have felt the Lord. There always life transforming. You and the moonlight and the crash of the waves. Gives me good goosebumps just thinking about it. Those moments are so refreshing , clear, and transcendental.
I like so many others have fallen short in making time for personal study, personal revelation and personal mediation. I find when my life does not have a set structure my spiritual study can take the back burner. Not so good, so my goal is to find some structure at least first thing in the morning. What better way to start your day off then with your Father in heaven.
In my attempt to follow the advice of the book, (which makes sense) how can you get closer to Him, if you do not take the proper steps by first taking the time to converse and get to know Him. Oh, how I want to be close to Him, so when He speaks to me and it doesn't take Him three attempts to get my attention as did the people in the Americas when Christ first visited, in 3 Nephi 11. How appropriate was Sunday's church lesson, how to get to know God. How can we get closer to Him? Become like Him, study His words, time to ponder His principles, listen, and pray. These are just a few ideas.
The book suggests to open your scriptures, listen to hymns or find time to mediate after prayer. I personally have decided to listen to music on low either church related or classical as I ponder my day and read my scriptures. Can I say when I follow through, I feel so much lighter. My thoughts and mood change to place that brings me peace and confidence. Which goes along with a quote from Elder Neal Anderson, "With this commitment to who we can become, the spiritual doors swing open. There is new freedom to feel and to know, a freedom to become." And that is my hope, a freedom to become.
I keep pondering this particular section of the book. Mostly likely, it is do to the fact that I have not yet gained all that I needed. But maybe tonight, I can finally move on.
I was re-watching a movie that has become very inspirational at times with me, since I read the book, "Eat, Love and Pray." I would strongly recommend this book to everyone. The author takes you on her journey to find personal fulfillment.
Tonight, as I reacquainted myself with many of the quotes from the book, I knew a few of them were talking to me. So, I wanted to take this time, to bring them to my own fulfillment as I journey towards becoming closer to my Savior.
First, I thought how appropriate for this section to talk about mediation then none other to site a meditation quote. So with that, I would like to share this quote about medication. "To meditate only you must smile. Smile with your face, smile with your mind, and good energy will come to you and clean away dirty energy. Even smile with your liver."
I particularly love this quote because it talks about your liver. Why smile from your liver? Because your live is where you keep the emotions anger and resentment. So what better way to release those toxic emotions then to concentrate on making your liver smile. I have come to the conclusion as I crawl out of the bed in the morning how much more would I get out of my prayer session/mediation then to smile from my liver.
I love how the book starts you off with a story about someone who took the time out of his busy life to help another in need. When the service act was finished and the one in need said, "thank you" the one giving service said, "your worth it!"
How can three little words be so Profound?
What is it that makes us stop and sometimes cringe when we think of our worth? Why is that we sell ourselves short at times? These are just of some the questions, that I have pondered in my life time.
It's time now to retract the negative outlook and push forward to new beginnings God knows your worth and potential. Its time now to focus on his idea of worth of a soul.
The when and why...
I have decided to change directions on reaching my yearly goals this year. Instead of listing and checking off a specific goal (which sometimes were random or didn't connect with each other), I have decided to stick with one main theme. I feel this will allow me to make the necessary goals needed along the way that will in the end lead me to my ultimate focus of the year Loving like Christ at All Times.
I am very excited to take this path, I mean really excited, so excited that I even figured out the name of this blog last October. Yes, that is me always trying to plan ahead. I admit it was hard at times to focus on the goals that were at hand because I just wanted to jump forward.
So what lead me to this new path or direction...
“To lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced,” by Elizabeth Gilbert. I learned a lot last year with helping care for my Dad. I learned how happy it made me feel to just leave the meaningless busyness in my life and just serve. I also learned and was able to witness the Love and Help that God extends to each and everyone of us. I saw how God loved my Father so much, he extended his life another year. How many of us get time? He was so loving, He allowed my Father time to get his life in order. He probably did that for me too. It has also strengthened my testimony, the importance of temple covenants, the importance of eternal families. How grateful for a loving God and a brother who literally died for me, so that I could not only come back to him but also so I can be with my Dad and other family members again some day. There is this quote my sister got on a condolence card that fits this beautifully. "While we are mourning the loss of our friend, others are rejoicing to meet him behind the veil," John Taylor. I am truly grateful a 1000 times plus to have witnessed these miracles this past year.
I have to admit, one time I think I even became cocky in my thinking (not good). I thought to myself this is easy taking care of my Dad, unlike my Mother who I watched face many challenges because of it. I was reminded in a blessing that God had surrounded me with ministering angels at all times. I have no words for the gratitude and the sorrowfulness I felt to think I was doing it all myself. To think He loved me so much that he lifted my load so much so...that I didn't feel stressed, sleep deprived, impatient, or selfish. How small I felt, but what a great lesson. God has the power and can and will take the heavier load from us. We just need to ask and live in a way to be able to receive his blessings.
The who...
So with that said, I know of no other way to thank my Father in heaven for his love for me then to extend his same love to those I come in contact with.
The how...
I have chosen to work on different areas of love and discipleship through each month of the year. As I was pondering how to do this, I felt inspired to head to the church bookstore. Another, gift am I grateful for a church bookstore twenty minuets away. I found this book called Becoming His by Emily Freeman.
She takes you on a twelve month journey to become closer to Christ. With this is mind, I thought the book would help give me a general outline on how about obtaining my goal to love like Christ at all times.
With that said, Happy New Year...
Please join me on my adventures, thoughts and insights on achieving my goal this year.
Welcome, Hello, and Thank You for taking a few moments to read my thoughts and insights on my reflections for this year. If you have time to spare, I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences. A little about me: I currently live in Texas and love the time I have to spend with my family. Being able to blog has helped me to be able to stop, and write about the simple things of life that I enjoy. You can catch my 2012 reflections on my blog, my year of 36, if you like. As, I reflect over the past year I have come to realize that time has gone fast (maybe even to fast), and life has changed. “Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it.” With this in mind, this year I am looking for the simplicity in happiness, love and peace. This is my journey to embrace it.
